Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
