What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
