You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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