you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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