I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
