THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
