I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize