im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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