You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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