You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
