my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
