Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

(541): View more from Oregon

Together?

(847): View more from Illinois

Preferably.

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(317): View more from Indiana

I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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(313): View more from Michigan

is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...

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(501): View more from Arkansas

He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.

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(416): View more from Toronto

Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.

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(813): View more from Florida

I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him

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(671): View more from Guam

You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?

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