he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You pole danced in your parka.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
