YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
