finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
