I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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