i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
