I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
