I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
