I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
third nipple confirmed
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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