Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
