Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
