So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have post one night stand depression
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
