I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
