guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
