i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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