just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
