Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
