He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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