like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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