How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
