foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
