So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
