i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize