the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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