I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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