i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
