There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
