are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
