whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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