Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
