I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
