The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize