Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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