There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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