I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
