Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
