I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
