I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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