3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Randomize