Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize