Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
