the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
