I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dicks are not precious.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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