dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize