OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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