Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize