Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
