New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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