I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
