....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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