He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She even gives head with a lisp.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize