im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
