K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize