yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
