you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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