i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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