I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
