i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
